Saints and Sailors
by Albino Redneck
Summary: This is a little story about how Sirius finds out how Remus is a werewolf. Warning: Contains SLASH SBRL don't like, don't read. rating T just to be safe. R&R kinda angsty, not really, some pointless fluff almost! Songic to Saints and Sailors by Dashboa


Disclaimer: I own nothing, If I did, Sirius would still be alive, and there would be a couple of things that would have gone differently, yeah hug him like a "BROTHER" uh huh, you can say that all you want little missy….. O, I also do not own the lyrics (_the ones in italics)_ they belong, to the oh-so wonderful Dashboard Confessional!

WARNING: THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS, SLASH! As in GUY ON GUY, slash, as in, "oh it's just a normal old sappy fic, WITH TWO GUYS! Get the picture? If you don't like it, then don't READ it! Nobody's making you stay! However, if you do enjoy slash, then PLEASE proceed…..

I was listening to the lyrics of this song, while reading slash then I thought, hey, why not write one? This is my first slash fic, though I have read MANY slash fics in my day, so if my writing is corny, then tell me, I want constructive criticism, flames are accepted, the way I see it, flames are just constructive criticisms with a couple of nasty words and an angry tone of voice with it, so hey, if you feel the need to be angry at me then by all means, review away…..

Just another little note, this story has many muggle operations in it like "phone" please change that to "OWL" or something to that affect, and when it says "apartment" change it to "dormitory" thank you! I would write in the words my self, but that would kind of be illegal wouldn't it? I think….

ONTO THE STORY…..

Remus' POV 

_This is where I say I've had enough  
and no one should ever feel the way that I feel now.  
A walking open wound,  
a trophy display of bruises  
and I don't believe that I'm getting any better, any better._

I had just gotten back from a particular painful full moon. I staggered up to the castle w/ Madame Pomfrey to get to the hospital wing. "This one was the end," I said to myself, "I've had enough of this nonsense, I've gone through more pain, more ridicule in 12 years than most people have to go through in their whole LIVES! No one should feel this way. In fact, I'm just one big wound, that every month, gets ripped back open." He spat on the ground, too much blood in his mouth from the tooth that was bleeding, and the cut on his cheek that was leaking into his open mouth as he thought. "My mum always said it would get better, well you know, it isn't. When is it gonna get better? HUH? When I die, that's when it gets better…Maybe if I finally killed myself in this transformation huh? Speed up the process a little bit? I was never one to have patience…."

I finally got back to the hospital wing, she took my hand off my chest, which had been trying to stem the flow of blood that was now flowing freely down my abdomen, I winced. Madame Pomfrey took a bandage to it, and poured a foul concoction onto some of my other, smaller wounds. It sizzled on my skin, but all I felt was a tingling sensation, but that wasn't enough to get rid of the pain that I was feeling everywhere else. Once she had finished, I laid back onto my pillow and sighed, and just as was about to drift to sleep I remembered my promise to Sirius, to write him a letter as soon as I was "feeling better."

I had told him that I was feeling ill yesterday, and well he naturally flipped out. That was Sirius, the most loyal of friends, although I had always been infatuated with him a little, I never let myself think that it could happen. Sirius was just a caring person, the fact that he always has to make sure I'M okay after every "illness" once a month doesn't mean he likes you. Merlin, Sirius is a LADIES man! He would disown you if you ever even told him that you were thinking about considering becoming interested in becoming gay….

But the fact was, I, being the observant person that I am, noticed that he seemed to take special interest in me, when the others were hurt, or in trouble, he cared, but never as much as when he did it for me…..

And that kept the hope alive

There was a piece of parchment, ink, and a quill next to the bed. Seeing as it had become almost routine for Sirius to get me to write to him every month. I sighed, reached for the parchment, dipped the quill in the ink and began to write,

Sirius,

I'm feeling better. If you want, you and the others could nip down in the cloak to see me, Madame Pomfrey looks to busy to notice if the St. Patty's day parade came marching through her office. She says I'll be free to leave in time for classes, if you want to wait until then.

Remus

I had toyed with the idea of putting "Love Remus, and Dear Sirius," but thought better of it. I rolled up the parchment, and right on cue, my tawny owl swooped through the window, took my letter in her beak, and without me having to tell her what to do, swept away towards Gryffindor to give the letter to Sirius. She was really smart, but she had a bad leg. Nobody else would take her because of it, but I saw the devotion in her eyes, me being the werewolf, I always had a special connection with animals. I had named her Achilles, after the ancient roman character with a bad leg, I know it's a guy's name, but it fit to well to pass up. Besides, no one else knew who Achilles was anyway.

Sirius' POV 

_Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring  
and I'm thinking awful things  
and I'm pretty sure that few would notice.  
And this apartment  
is starving for an argument.  
Anything at all to break the silence._

I knew Remus was a werewolf. At the beginning of the year, I suspected, last month, I considered, now I KNEW. He said he had been feeling ill and went to the hospital wing, I asked to come with him, but he denied. He did this every month. I walked by the window, which is where I was every month, when Remus told me he was "ill" which in a way he was. I remembered looking up at the moon and seeing it was full last month, and the month before, and the month before. I looked up at the moon tonight. Full. It was too much of a coincidence to be anything else. The man I loved was a werewolf, and it had taken me 2 whole years to wise up.

Yes the man I love. I know this sounds so cliché, so I don't mind if you barf as I tell you this, but I love everything about him. The way his thing, sandy golden hair fell into his eyes, but only if he swept his head a certain way. Sometimes, I think he swings his head that way just to make me melt, almost as if he knows that it makes my heart go a mile a minute every time. His eyes, oh, excuse me, I mean the gorgeous amber orbs the pull my heartstrings, and can always tell when I'm lying. I loved his little nose, that wrinkled up whenever he was annoyed, or at least when he smelled something foul. I loved his soft, touchable lips. Touchable lips that I had never touched, but oh how I wanted to….. But I'm getting off-subject aren't I?

I had looked up at the moon, seeing it was full and jumping to my conclusion that he was a werewolf. Which was only reassured when I looked down at the grounds and saw him, accompanied by Madame Pomfrey, walking to the Whomping Willow that was thrashing madly, thinking they were going to get killed, I was about to yell out to them, but I didn't. Good thing too. Because all of a sudden the tree stopped, and an opening came up out of the tree and Remus walked inside! Like he did this all the time! Then I quickly reminded myself, if he was a werewolf, then he DID do this all the time… I had sat there all night thinking of what to say to him when I came to visit him in the morning, and for eight hours, I came up with nothing. Until 5:00 in the morning, when the first rays of light were dawning on the horizon, I jerked out of my reverie as I saw Madame Pomfrey walk back to the Willow and walk inside, returning, mere moments later, with Remus, who was limping.

That was the last straw; even at a distance he looked terrible. I couldn't wait for him to send me the note that said it was safe to come down, like he did every month. I knew I had to though, if I came down as he was coming in, it would look suspicious, plus Madame Pomfrey would catch me in an instant.

Wow I actually thought through something before acting on impulse….

Boy did that take the fun out of everything….

I was sitting there just waiting for his owl to come, and my mind had awful images running through it. Remus, with his limbs mangled beyond repair, Remus, lying unconscious, Remus, lying in pain, screaming my name and me not being able to get to him…his poor Remus. The worst part? James and Peter would probably only get the pieces together once I've told them. Nobody would notice, except for me. This incredible boy has done such a good job of blending that he has only three good friends, and only one who notices that they go and tear themselves up once a month. One good friend wasn't enough.

I feel a creak in the floorboards behind me. My head whips to the direction of the sound, it was nothing. It was so quiet, not even Peter's usual snore's filled the now emptiness of the dorm. It's so silent, that it's ominous. I'm just waiting for something to jump out at me, and then it does. A hand grabs me by the shoulder, I whip around, trying to keep myself from screaming, but it was just Achilles landing on my shoulder. She pecked my head gently and I took the letter gently from her mouth, as soon as I have it, she flies away. I open it, and read it. Well, I doubt James and Peter would think to kindly of me waking me up this early in the morning, so I figure I would go by myself. I sneak over to James' trunk, grab the cloak and silently walk away.

I don the cloak once I get to the common room and have no trouble getting to the hospital wing. Once I get to the door, I see Remus, sitting in bed, twiddling with his fingers, and Madame Pomfrey, thankfully asleep, at her desk. I open the door praying that it won't squeak, and, to my luck it doesn't. I slip through the door and walk over to Remus' bed, I pull the curtains shut behind me and whisper a silencing charm around the whole area. Remus smiles directly at me even before I took the cloak off. I slip it off my head, throw it on the chair, and smile back.

"Hey," he says quietly, even though the charm is in place, and we can yell and scream if we wanted to. Nonetheless…

"Hey," I say quietly back, hey HE started it….I continue, "So, when were you planning on telling me?" I say harshly, I didn't mean for it to come out that way, especially when I see the look on Remus' face, a mixture between hurt, resentment, and mock confusion.

"Telling you what Siri?" He questioned innocently, but it was time to lay out the cards.

"That you are a werewolf?" A look of pure terror dons his face, his eyes widen in surprise. I rescue him, "metaphorically speaking"

"No it's not like that! I still want to be your friend!" More than your friend actually…. "I just, well I guess I'm hurt…" Remus, cocked an eyebrow,

"YOU'RE hurt?" then I realized what I had said.

"Well yes, but in a different way than you, I was just hurt that you thought you couldn't trust me with this. All those times I thought you were just "sick" I could have helped you! Obviously you're hurting a lot more than I am right now but still…" Remus interrupted my ramble,

"Dumbledore made me swear not to tell anyone, though he said if anyone found out on their own it was their own business, but I just couldn't TELL anyone." Sirius sighed,

"I see, well I hope you didn't hurt yourself too bad in there Remmy. I couldn't stand it if I let you hurt yourself on the brink of death while I stood idly by and watched…" Remus hung his head, then unexpectedly, lifted his shirt above his shoulders and took it off, showing me the scars from all his transformations, and I am speechless,

"Oh God, Remus!" Well, almost speechless.

There were cuts, old and new, bruises in a variety of colors, bandages from particularly deep cuts, and scars, oh how many scars filled up a small space was impossible to say. I reached out and ran a finger over a scar running from his right shoulder blade to his bellybutton. Under my touch he shivers, I pull away, thinking that I had touched a bruise and hurt him, but no. His eyes were begging me to touch him again. So I did. I ran my fingers over all of his old scars and I couldn't even imagine the terrible memories that went with each one. I dared to look into his eyes one more time and he closed them, and as he did so a tear slid out the side of each one. It was too much. This wonderful boy had been through so much, so young, I couldn't stand it anymore. I went over to the side of the bed and hugged him, no, embraced him, gently so as not to hurt him. I kissed his tears away, wondering how he would react and my heart fluttered when he wrapped his arms around me. His arms were loose around me, but I prayed it was just because of his wounds and it would hurt to touch me, rather than him being uncomfortable for him to touch me in the first place.

Remus' POV 

Oh. My. God. He's hugging me! He's hugged me before, but not like this. This is different, it's filled with something…is it love? I hope so, I'm not going to deny myself hope anymore, because really, what good would it do me? He kisses my cheek, no, my tears. He's kissing my tears away, that sounds too cliché to bear, it's almost laughable, but I hug him back, and I open my eyes. He pulls away. I sigh, this is the part where he asks me to talk about it, I don't like this part. Let's go back to hugging! I liked that part…

"Remus…" He starts, I sigh inwardly, here it comes. "I love you." My head jerks up so fast I crick my neck. Ow. That was NOT what I had been expecting. I grin broadly at him, but he's looking anywhere but my face, afraid of what I'll do probably. I decide to hear out what he has to say, and THEN tell him I love him. Cruel I know, but hey, I've suffered enough tonight. Besides the more I make him pour his heart out, the happier he'll be when I tell him, so really it's not a bad thing at all…

"I love you so much Remus, but I never told you. Why? I'm not really that sure, but I know I love you, even though I'm not even that sure of what love even IS. Well, judging by your silence I guess you probably want me to leave, but just think about it ok? That's all I ask. Goodbye Remus, hopefully not forever." As he stood up to leave I grabbed his hand, and with all the strength I could muster I pulled him forcefully back to me. I grabbed his face in my hands and brought his lips to mine.

His lips were sweet, soft. My heart burned with ecstasy as he kissed me back. He really loved me. Sirius Black, whom all the girls were head over heels for, loved ME. Nobody had loved me before, well, except Mum, but that's different. My hands left his face and instead snaked them around his neck. I don't know how long we kissed there that morning. It all seemed to go by pretty fast, but now that I think about it, it seemed like hours. I was first to pull away, not because I really WANTED to, but because sometimes, you need to breathe.

Sirius sat next to me on the bed. I swung my head to the side so that my hair gets in my face; Sirius seems to like it when I do that, so I do it all the time. This time, he reached out and swept the hair out of my eyes himself.

"Remus, well, just wondering. How did it happen?" I didn't have to ask to know what he meant.

"I was seven," I replied, "There was a forest outside of our house and my sister and I went to go exploring. She was ten at the time. We stopped to pick some flowers that we were going to give to mum when we got back when we heard this low growl coming from behind us. It was so quiet I wasn't even sure if I had heard it at all. I only had to look at my sister to know that I had. She dropped her flowers, staring, wide-eyed, at the beast that ruined our lives. I turned just as it leapt on to me." I lifted my shirt a little to show Sirius the wound, it was on my left side, towards the lower abdomen. Sirius winced, I smiled bitterly. "Yeah. As soon as it bit me I played dead, hopefully thinking that if I was dead it wouldn't have anything else to do with me. So I closed my eyes and listened as my sister got bitten too. She got worse than me apparently. As I heard the beast trot away, I thought it was safe to open my eyes, only to see my sister's limp form lying before me. A deep gash was running through and piercing her heart, her eyes were wide. Well, you know what happens next." I stopped, unable to tell anymore. Sirius hugged me again. It felt nice, and even though I wasn't crying, I had cried enough tears over this story already, he comforted me.

"It'll be okay Remus. Everything will work out fine in the end. Eventually things will turn out fine." He smiled at me to reassure his words. I shook my head.

"Liar. It's won't turn out fine. And even if it will, how would you know? How could you honestly tell me this? You can't. Because you're lying." His smile faded.

"Damnit Remus! I was just trying to cheer you up!" He said. At first I was afraid my words had actually hurt him, but then he smiled. "Merlin, I was only joking!" He laughed despite the situation and held me closer. I looked into his eyes. They were a cold, steel gray, the exact opposite of his personality. For his eyes to fit him, they would have to be a warm, sky blue, or a deep sea green. But no, he looked back at me. The Gold and Ice met together, just like always. But I could see something past that ice. I knew he was lying. He doesn't know if everything will turn out fine, nor does anyone else. His words of comfort were empty to me. I can't live a life of lies, but for now they'll have to do.

_So don't be a liar,  
don't say that "everything's working"  
when everything's broken.  
And you smile like a saint  
but you curse like a sailor  
and your eyes say the joke's on me._

FIN

So what'd you think? I hope it's not corny! Well you know how to tell me what you think! Points to the blue button at the bottom left-hand corner of the screen If I get a request I will **attempt** to make this a multi-chapter story, but for now it's a one-shot. Remember this is my first slash fic so please be gentle. Tell me what you think in NICE WORDS! Although flames are accepted, they make you feel icky inside, so REVIEW or I'll come to your house and I'll send my demons of death to feast on your soul!

giggle I was only JOKING! GOSH!


End file.
